these faults of mine
always shake things up
leaving things
catastrophic
a human disaster
i quake in fear
because i’m afraid
of losing you
i’m terrified
that you’ll grow tired
and leave me

there’s no beauty
in my writing,
only the ugly truth.
simply words dressed in
pain and sorrow.
purely words laced in
self-loathing and self-pity.
solely words screaming
and crying for attention.
don’t you just
find these words,
unalluring?

do you ever
just want to
hibernate?
just never leave
your bed and
never have to worry?

why can’t i just
be a bear?
eat, and sleep,
and if a problem
were to arise,
just deal with it by
mauling some faces

worry after worry
piles up and
it’s just slowly
eating away at me
and i have not been
eating properly

this lack of sleep
and added stress
does nothing but
leave me drained
and emptied
every day

i’ve been relying on you
as my savior
relying on you
as my relief
and this distance
kills me because
i can’t be with you
as much as i want to

i’d be so lost
without you
and if i lose you
i wouldn’t know
what to do
and i’m so scared
of messing up
because i don’t want
to let you go

if only i could foresee
the future.
if only i could foreshadow
my fate.
if only i could fathom
what is to come.

because i can’t help
but feel helpless
because i fear
that i will fail,
bearing nothing
besides misfortune

for now,
all i can do is fight.
hold on tight
to my fantasies,
and prevent them from
being pried
from my fingers.

push forward
and persevere.
do everything
in my power
to pursue my plans.

failure is not
an option

i’m terrified
really terrified
of failure
and i’m pressured
to succeed
these expectations
refuse to allow
to let me fail
and if i fail
i won’t know
what to do

when you’re drained
of all that’s left
and can’t make out
what is right
slumber feels
the best
you just want to
shut out
all of the thoughts
from eating at you
and find one way out
it makes rest
seem so sweet
because sleep
is the cousin of death

you hear this word 
much too often
and it makes me think 
am i good enough? 
i want to be 
but i shouldn’t lie to myself,
and conjure up these illusions
hoping that i can be your light,
an ignis fatuus

all i seem to do
is just hurt you
it’s like
my hands
are made of glass,
and i try to hold you,
but instead
my shards just cut you
and the closer i try
to get to you,
the deeper i cut

i’m sorry… 

everybody
is in such a rush,
racing, moving
at light speed,
as if they’re out of time.
you need to slow down
every once in a while,

slow down
or life will pass you by
because you’ll overlook
the simple things
slow down
take a breath, reflect
on what you’ve been through
before you realize
all the things
that you missed out on

what started as a spark
has kindled into a flame
i know definitely
that i have never
felt this way before
i’ll wait for you
as long as it takes
because you are
the one girl
worth waiting for